Zeref was Narufied
by yorushihe
Summary: AU, fem!Naruto … semi Naruko/Zeref... She has the tendency of finding the most broody, emo bastards around and turning them into pansies... Too bad for Zeref that she had to land right on top of him.


AU, fem!Naruto… semi Naruko/Zeref (in a friendship kind of way!) – cliché plot but irresistible since I haven't found anything like this before, xD

**Zeref was Narufied.**

**XxxXxxX**

Maybe being hurtled through space and mercilessly tossed into another world should have been more daunting than it was.

Naruko loved every second of it.

The one who didn't particularly liked had to be the one on whom she _landed_. Quite a feat involving her god's luck, mechanics and the laws of casualty casually breaking the fourth wall – not that Naruko nor her landing cushion knew that, they only knew that Naruko was falling from the sky and suddenly she wasn't.

A moment of silence later in which her cushion had time enough to regain his wits.

And promptly pulverize all life in a few feet radius around him. Of course that included whatever it was that attacked him from above.

Standing up from his undignified sprawled position, the 'cushion' looked back at his handy-work with a frown. "Just a little girl?" He muttered under his breath. Said little girl who was previously sailing through the sky and then landing on him was currently a mere husk of what she could have been. Mummified little girls to add to his growing list of sins – not that it mattered.

He turned to walk away, lest another child be tossed onto him – what were his enemies thinking? – but as soon as he moved a foot, he felt something grabbing his ankle. A small shriveled hand tugging at his pants. The child was still alive? Unbelieving, wide dark eyes stared in morbid fascination as the previous dried up body started to fill up until the effects of his death magic was completely reverted.

"That… that was so not cool, dattebayo!" A blonde head of hair pulled into twin pony tails attached to a small round face with exotic whiskered cheeks and wide sky blue eyes.

Still a little knocked out of his depth because '_Someone survived my death magic, someone is touching me without dying, how is it possible, how, how, __**how?!**__' _He tried to control his power as it escalated once more. The signs were the wince on the girl's face and her continuously whitening hair.

"Can you stop it? Yeah? So not pleasant!" She complained again sending an impressively cute glare his way. Taking a deep breath because curiosity was growing bigger than the urge to destroy everything, the 'cushion' managed to wrestle his magic under control by a sheer miracle.

Looking down at her as she stood up on slightly shaky legs, he asked. "Who are you?" And he put all his dark lord evilness into the question, aware that he looked menacing and intimidating. To his surprise, the girl's large eyes narrowed and she glared.

"Don't you know it's only polite to introduce yourself first before asking for another's name, tebbayo?!" She haughtily returned. She… wasn't scared… she… wasn't aware of who he was… she… was…

"Hmm… my name is Zeref…" He revealed almost reluctantly. He just wanted to see the look of mounting horror on the child's face when she recognized his name – alas, it didn't happen – she simply looked at him with those narrowed eyes. "You… never heard of me?"

"Are you popular or something?" She asked shrewdly. "What kind of lame name is Zeref anyway? My name is a lot more spectacular! Naruko Uzumaki-Namikaze! Nanadaime Hokage and most awesomest ninja ever!"

Now she was out of her mind. Clearly insane… she was insane, that was the only explanation and whoever tossed her on him was hoping that he was powerful enough to end her misery. Sighing, he shook his head. "You really have no idea of who I am?" Time for some intimidation. Eyes bleeding red, he allowed his dark aura to envelop him. "I am the Dark Mage Zeref, the darkest mage to ever walk the Earth"

The girl shrugged his attempt at intimidation and proceeded to step out of the range of his magic circle predicting what was about to happen – she wasn't fast enough and was caught in the death magic, letting out a squeak as all life was drained out of her.

It took a minute.

A whole minute in which Zeref had peace.

"Why would you do that?! I thought we had something going on between us!" The blond mummy jumped up with a lot more flare. "Man, you're just like Sasuke!" As if a light was lit in her head, her eyes settled on him with understanding… a hand was held up. Five fingers. "You're a megalomaniac, evil bastard right?" finger down. "You're a revenge bent tosser" finger down. "You have black hair and black eyes" finger down. "Your eyes turn red when you're angry" finger down. "And… you're a shameless tsundere!"

Finger down.

Wait, what?

**XxxXxxX**

She's been following after him for a day now. Successfully. Dodging his murderous attempts like a pro and making a nuisance of herself.

Deciding that submitting to her madness was better than having to endure her endless prattle about his evil ways, Zeref swallowed a bitter pill. "How do you keep surviving my death magic?"

Grinning, Naruko had no qualms revealing. "It's half thanks to who my mother is, and half thanks to the bunch of demons sealed inside me"

He didn't expect that… Damn it! She was steadily worming herself into his black, black heart. His own loneliness reflected for a moment in those blue eyes. "Demons?" He himself birthed thousands of demons to wreak havoc in the continent so he personally had nothing against them – but he could imagine how a child would have been brought up if she had them in her… strange, there was a weird pain filling his chest now that he didn't like.

"Uhu, you see, it has to do with my family…" She proceeded to tell an epic tale that took the better part of the day. By the end of it, Zeref was left staring at the blond with the urge to bang his head against the nearest hard surface. At least it explained why she had 9 demons in various parts of her body and why she was virtually immortal.

Misery loves company, doesn't it?

And now he knew who 'Sasuke' was… evil, revenge bent megalomaniac bastard indeed… The boy's tantrums sparked wars for the gods' sake, his own only meant he was spawning another demon to harass humanity for a couple of years before it was defeated by a brave mage or two.

"That's…" He started – he wanted to say something but no words came to mind really. He believed her story, it was too well thought off to be a fake anyway.

She cut him off however, as a sheet materialized out of nowhere in her hands. "Hold on! I forgot about it completely dattebayo! Can you answer this survey so I know where you stand in the villainous scale?"

Evilness survey? Zeref felt a headache coming… knowing she wouldn't stop pestering him until he answered her survey sheet – and he conveniently couldn't kill her. "I can do that…" Besides, he was the one who caused people to flee at the mere whisper of his name, the blackest and evilest mage to ever walk the earth.

"In a one to five scale, how evil do you consider yourself to be?"

"Five"

"If you saw a puppy in front of you, how likely are you to kick it?"

What kind of question was that?! The blasted puppy would be dead in moments if it ever crossed his path so it wasn't likely he'd end up kicking it! "One"

"If you turn invisible, how likely it is that you will run to the nearest public bath to peek on girls?"

… Was she serious? "One" He gritted his teeth.

"Hmm… how often do you spend time plotting nefarious plans of revenge against humanity?"

"F…our" Maybe a five on a good day, but not lately. After he wrote a series of books he was feeling kind of sated in the nefarious plotting things.

"If you had the chance to take over the world you'd rather enslave humanity or terminate it? 3 is the between"

And on it went for the rest of the night.

"Well… good news is, you're up there in the evil list but not high enough to surpass Madara and Tobito…"

Oh… goodie… Zeref thought with a grimace of pained indulgence.

**XxxXxxX**

Two days. Two days of exerting his limited patience (there were moments of weakness in which he ended up exploding in a mass of death that decimated a couple of clearings – and Naruko – but she never stayed dead) and having to put up with the most annoying creature in all existence who also happens to be the only creature he seemingly couldn't kill.

Naruko was jumping in front of him in excited chatter, asking questions about the world they found themselves in and Zeref really had to think about things to tell her – if he went on and on about human cruelty, the wars and destruction that were partially his fault she would get bored and try to prank him.

He wondered absently if she could be killed by Lullaby… in his musician phase he created the deadly flute and sat back to enjoy the havoc the demonic instrument wrecked. Wonderful days, those.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" Her fingers rose as if to poke his cheek and he reacted without thought, grabbing her wrist.

Her wrist that began to sizzle and darken as necrosis spread from his touch in painful looking pustules. Naruko looked at him disbelieving, then down at her wrist. Wincing, Zeref released her limbs and had to really hold back the urge to apologize, it was her fault to begin with that she got too close to him.

"You shouldn't get close to me" Was all he said as he watched in passivity her wide blue eyes take in the damage to her limb. "Doesn't it hurt?" He had to ask because it wasn't everyday he saw someone shrug of something painful like that as if it was nothing.

Tilting her head, Naruko blinked. "Not really… I accidently destroyed the nerve endings on both my arms so I lost all sensitivity from the elbow to my hand" A good thing since if she wanted to use her Rasen-shuriken, she ended up ripping her arms to shreds in a molecular level – not even her monstrous regenerative abilities could cover nerve damage that deep and that happened so constantly.

In a couple of minutes, her arm was back to normal as if he hasn't ever touched her to begin with.

He didn't realize when his face softened. But Naruko did. "Ohhhh, you're such a tsundere tebbayo!"

Zeref longed to hit her.

**XxxXxxX**

"So… have you regretted your evil ways yet?"

"No…" Zeref's left eye twitched.

"But you haven't tried to kill me for a while now" The blonde menace pointed out.

"If I say I've started to feel repentant, will you leave me alone?"

"Nope, I'd have to stay with you to make sure you're truly a good guy… wouldn't want you causing another international incident" He 'accidently' forgot one of his books, an official representative of the council found it and used it and yeah… chaos bred successfully. "Plus, how can I be sure that once you repent you won't become a suicidal nut bent on dying?"

He gritted his teeth. "I promise I won't become a 'suicidal nut'…" He already was a homicidal one.

Naruko stared at him with the wisdom of someone who already had to deal with one suicidal nut bent on dying and taking the world with him. "Just to be sure, how do you feel about art? You don't feel like it should explode, do you tebbayo?"

**XxxXxxX**

Maybe, just maybe she was starting to get to him. The only other being aside from Acnologia who could stand being in his vicinity without withering decomposing… She was his… friend… even if it pained him to admit it.

"You and your villainous act got everyone and their mother terrified of you" Naruko fearlessly poked him in the ribs. "Why can't you give in to the light side!? Tebbayo! We got ramen!"

He'd regret it, he knew it. "Ramen?"

"WHAT?! You never heard of Ramen! It's the food of the Gods!" Naruko excitedly grabbed his hand and tore off in the direction of a near town they were passing by. "Come on! Ayame-nee-san taught me how to make my own Ramen when I became hokage!"

The people in the town were justifiably weary when someone with Zeref's description was found walking around. Though they had to reconsider when they found he was being dragged around by a small blond child. For sure the evilest bastard ever born wouldn't indulge in children's antics – he ate children, didn't he?

In the market picking out the perfect ingredients so she could cook the first cup of ramen she'd have in this world was a happy occasion. Not so much for her companion since he got stuck paying.

"It will be 2000 Jewels" The vendor held up the package filled with raw goodies.

Sticking her hands inside the couple of pockets in her orange track suit, the blonde announced pityingly to her friend. "I'm broke, tebbayo"

Sighing, Zeref paid for Naruko. Grabbing her bag, the blonde tossed him a sly look. "I told you, you were a hidden tsundere all this time!"

Not containing himself, the evilest bastard ever born slapped the back of Naruko's head with relish.

That night he got his first taste of ramen and Naruko had her first convertee into a new religion.

**XxxXxxX**

"So… when you cause mayhem and disaster you just sit back and laugh in sadistic glee?" Naruko asked after Zeref did just that… Coughing, the dark mage glared. "I mean… what's the fun in being destructive and a nuisance to mankind?"

…

"You don't really have any room to talk" He pointed out. "Besides, what is there for me to do? With my magic I can't approach people anyway, and they expect me to be evil"

Adopting an obvious thinking pose, Naruko answered carefully. "I guess you _could_ become an emo with a stick up your ass and avoid humanity till the ends of days while planning the world's destruction until you find the one who will finally kill you in an epic battle between good and repentant, suicidal evil"

His eyes bled red.

"Orrrrr… you could become a hermit and start writing porn books! Tebbayo!"

His eyes went back to black as he had to hold in the mad urge to bash his head against a tree. "Porn books, really?" His mouth twitched.

"Yeah!"… "Wait… not the possessed evil crap you've written so far! Imagine a possessed porn book…" Naruko paused to think about it some more… "Ehehehe… it kind of has some merit now that I think about it"

It was so wrong to watch a seemingly twelve years old sport such a perverted expression. Zeref felt a shudder run down his spine when bright blue eyes turned to him in vivid excitement. "No" He spoke immediately.

"Come on! Let's write a porn book so you can enchant it to do this and that! Dattebayo!"

He couldn't help but feel slightly abused.

**XxxXxxX**

"You're planning your own demise aren't you?" Naruko smartly guessed. He's been more shifty these past few days, and more prone to bouts of broodiness.

"Yes… I feel like if I disappear, the people will stop living in fear"

"That's… emo, tebbayo"

"It's because of you, you idiot" Zeref smiled sadly.

"Me?! I didn't make you go all suicidal emo bastard"… "You've become an emo with a stick up your ass and you're planning to avoid humanity till the ends of days while planning the world's destruction until you find the one who will finally kill you in an epic battle between good and repentant, suicidal evil" Naruko sighed.

"Of course not!" Zeref sighed "I'm immortal… I will have to keep on living forever, alone, these cursed powers of mine won't let me find peace"

"What am I, tebbayo? I'm your friend you bastard, don't write me off! I can't die too…" She said quieting down. "I… can't die… when it became obvious that I wasn't getting any older in my old world, my people couldn't protect me from the rest of the world for much longer so I ran away… I spent years hiding up in a mountain, until I couldn't take the loneliness anymore and derived a plan! I constructed a seal that would take me somewhere else, tebbayo! And here I am!"

Patting her head, the darkest mage to ever walk the earth sighed. "Here you are... the only being in existence who can survive my touch"

"And I'm not leaving you, that's a promise, and I never, ever go back on my promises!"

**XxxXxxX**

Years later when Zeref disappeared, a new mysterious writer popped into existence with his revolutionary, enchanted porn books…

**XxxXxxX**

End!

Lol! I had this weird picture in my head of Zeref and Naruko cuddling and I was like, gaahahaha! I have to do something about it! Sure, Zeref was an evil bashterd who terrorized every one and then one day he wasn't? mehh… that makes no sense until it's explained anyways D:  
>Why Naruko was de-aged? Fourth wall breaking down and self-given artistic license… Let's just say it was a mysterious happenstance of destiny?<br>I found a 'are you evil' quiz and I had to be honest and confess to my evil deeds (I'm 40% evil since I don't park in special lots but I totally ignore the poor squirrel being ran over)

Ta! :)


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